A few days ago, I suddenly got hit by a momentary spell of sadness. The hormones and tiredness brought about by the pregnancy probably had something to do with it. And it could also be that I’m terrified of what having three small children will require of me. But whatever it was, I really just felt inadequate and insecure. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure whether what I was doing as a wife and mother was enough. I doubted if, as an individual, I am enough.
I found myself crying to Kayo about it in the middle of the night and as the understanding and caring husband that he is, he helped me sort it out.
We had a really good conversation and I was enlightened about many things. But basically, I came out of it assured that I don’t have to be anybody else or do anything more to be all that my family needs. They love me for who I am and being who I am to them is enough.
Yes, of course I could better myself as wife and mom. I could continue pursuing new dreams and keep discovering new skills, but right here, right now, as Kayo put it, what I am doing – my “job” of staying at home to be a full-time homemaker and raise my own children – requires much courage and yes, it is certainly enough.
I realized motherhood is insanely messy and that you have to be brave to want to face its bumps and pitfalls. Same thing goes with being a wife. It is a commitment worth something.
It wasn’t hard for me to shake the sadness away after hearing my husband encourage me that way. Prayer and mentally going back to the heart of what I do also helped. I guess, for a moment, I just forgot that this is all I’ve ever dreamed of and that I’m already living it. (Shame on me!) It may be happening at a rate I did not expect, but it’s certainly what I’ve always wanted. It’s also pretty obvious that this is where God wants me to be. That should also be enough reason for me.
The last few days, I’ve been waking up with fresh, new set of eyes. My renewed and restructured perspective on life has made the mundane domestic duties seem the most important tasks on earth. Feeding my kids, bathing them and playing with them all day long are my life’s fulfillment! Perhaps I really just had to experience that hiccup in order to be reminded of my purpose. I had to come face to face with my weaknesses so I could, once again, be made strong. And for that, I am very thankful.
Are you a wife? A stay at home mom? Have you ever felt inadequate? I would appreciate to hear how you deal with it and would be greatly encouraged to know I am not alone. Share your thoughts and let’s build each other up! 🙂
Photos (except last one) by Kayo Cosio